I have had a love-hate relationship with my name my entire life. When I was 10, I was enrolled in a school where there were lots of Amys and Patricks and Adams. And all I ever wanted was to be anything but Ushashi. I hated every version of my name.

But then at 13, when I started writing and my name appeared in publications and certificates, I finally realised the power it held. I began dreaming of all the things I could achieve and all the places that could host my name. I gave myself permission to utilise the power to become who I am now, and at this point in my life, I’m immensely proud of Ushashi the person as well as Ushashi the name. It is the most fascinating window to the past as well as the future.

So, each time I receive an email or a letter or a message spelling my name in the most astonishingly incorrect way, it makes me question who I really am. Dramatic I know. But when you’ve hated your name for as long as I have, to me, each iteration of it could have changed my life as I know it and maybe, those years of torment when I was 10 could have been avoided.

Last year, people misspelled my name about 52 reported times, and there were at least 10 variations of it. In the first week of January this year, people spelled my name incorrectly 4 times. And with each bizarre combination of alphabets, I laugh a little, cry a little and wonder – “Who would I be if that was the correct spelling of my name?” An exploration of some of them below.

• Ushahi – This one sounds like Shahi Paneer (if you’re unfamiliar, google it please), royal and decadent. Ushahi is posh and enigmatic, traipsing around the world oblivious to her privilege and she could get anything she wanted and no one would question her. She doesn’t believe in saving the planet.
• Ushani – She’s quiet and reclusive, and she doesn’t ever want to leave the comfort of her own home and everything she is familiar with. She’s skeptical of her own abilities and is in desperate need of therapy. She’ll get there though, I know she will. And when she gathers the courage to step out, the world won’t know what hit it.
• Ushanshi – She’s fresh off the boat in a foreign land. She has family there but they’re unbothered by her presence. She has trouble navigating social cues but she’s trying her best. She reminds me of myself, circa 2017, and I want to send her as much love as I possibly can.
• Ustashi – Bad, bad influence. She’s incredibly smart and she achieves everything she sets her mind to, but her methods are questionable. She’s the life of the party wherever she goes and has no trouble maneuvering her way through tough situations. Her parents have just about given up on her, but they still love her very much.
• Ashashi (?) – She’s an influencer and as zen as one can get in 2023. She doesn’t drink caffeine or alcohol, only water. If she’s feeling indulgent on any particular day, she’ll drink water with some flavouring. She meditates under waterfalls and encourages her followers to rethink all of their material possessions, but she doesn’t want you to know that her trip to the waterfall was sponsored by the flavoured water company.
• Urvashi – In all fairness, I don’t know who this is and I am not sure I want to.
• Usasi – I have yet to receive this one, but this is what my name would have been had my grandfather named me. Me thinks no one would ever take me seriously for the rest of my life.

The actual spelling of my name was supposed to be something completely different, to match its correct pronounciation in Bengali. And for some reason, I want to treasure it (although, if you’re familiar with the language, you would know). It’s something I only ever talk about with my parents and my sister and it is the only version of my name that hasn’t been completely butchered and served to me on medium rare. It’s a beautiful feeling to be able to hold on to that.